#King kong lives full#
#King kong lives tv#

#King kong lives tv#

вЂњHoneymooning with the Kongs,вЂќ while a fine idea for a TV sitcom, doesnвЂ™t exactly put viewers on the edge of their seats, unless it is to leave. But several minutes are spent showing the monkeys courting one another in the seclusion of the mountains, which might be cute if 1) it werenвЂ™t just two actors in monkey suits and 2) this werenвЂ™t supposed to be an adventure movie. To my great relief, the giant-apes-having-sex motif is only hinted at, not shown. Ladies, when was the last time your man did anything that noble for you? You canвЂ™t even get them to carry out the kitchen trash, amirite?ДЄt this point, the viewer is filled with terror as he realizes the next logical step is for King and Lady Kong to make sweet, sweet love.

Lady Kong is smitten with Kong after he rescues her from the Army men holding her captive and carries her - she can walk, but he carries her, because he is chivalrous - out into the mountains. He wakes up, smells Lady Kong a mile away, breaks out of the facility heвЂ™s in, and lumbers across the countryside to get him some lovinвЂ™. King Kong doesnвЂ™t even have surgical scars on his chest. When you perform heart-transplant surgery on King Kong, even a King Kong who has been comma-tose for 10 years, King Kong only needs three days to recover.

#King kong lives full#

(Unanswered question: What did they do with KongвЂ™s old heart? Imagine the practical jokes you could play with that thing!) Meanwhile, Lady Kong is chained up in an airplane hangar a mile away, enjoying the 500 pounds of cookies and oil tanker full of juice that the Red Cross provided for donating blood. KongвЂ™s chief physician, Amy (Linda Hamilton), leads the team of surgeons in supplying Kong with new blood and then performing the heart transplant, which requires comically oversized medical instruments, like the Lilliputians operating on Gulliver. Everyone is eager to see the big fella up and around and escaping and running loose and terrorizing people again. I seem to recall the perils of finding, capturing, and relocating Kong occupying a significant portion of the previous вЂњKing KongвЂќ films, but apparently itвЂ™s not that hard after all.Д«ack in the States, the general public is delighted to know that a blood donor for Kong has been found. Getting her onto a ship and bringing her to the United States proves to be pretty easy, too, so much that the film doesnвЂ™t even bother showing it to us. The explorerвЂ™s name is Hank Mitchell (Brian Kerwin), or Mitch for short, and he and a few blowdart-wielding natives tranquilize Lady Kong with no trouble at all. His blood has deteriorated - вЂњheвЂ™s been comatose for too longвЂќ says one of the doctors, pronouncing it вЂњcomma-tose.вЂќ Kong needs a blood transfusion from someone of the same species! Quick, get Danny DeVito on the phone!ДЄs luck would have it, at this very moment there is an explorer out in Borneo or somewhere looking for wild creatures to exploit, and wouldnвЂ™t you know it, he stumbles across a female Kong. Scientists have spent millions to manufacture an artificial heart to replace his failing one, but heвЂ™s too ill for the surgery. (New York City has a lot of resources, but apparently the nearest giant-ape treatment clinic is in Georgia.) Kong has been in a coma all this time. ThatвЂ™s a dead ape, all right.Д«ut no! Suddenly itвЂ™s 10 years later and weвЂ™re at a facility in Georgia, where Kong is on life support, tubes coming out of his mouth and everything. Yep, there he goes, from the roof of the North Tower to the pavement below. We canвЂ™t really be annoyed at the preposterousness of Kong being brought back to life unless we first see him plummet 1,300 feet to his death. This is a sequel to the 1976 вЂњKing KongвЂќ remake, and it begins with footage from the end of that film to bring us up to speed, i.e., so weвЂ™ll know exactly which facts are being disregarded in order to produce a cash-grab sequel. This filmвЂ™s title is a falsehood, like вЂњThe Neverending Story,вЂќ or вЂњPretty Woman.вЂќ вЂњNo he doesnвЂ™t!вЂќ King Kong fell off the Empire State Building in 1933, or off one of the Twin Towers in 1976, or off the Empire State Building again in 2005. Our film this week is from 1986, and it is called вЂњKing Kong Lives.вЂќ вЂњWhat?вЂќ youвЂ™re saying.